Wag along with me
Failing Lexie
Lexie, my foster dog, died this week.
While there could be much debate as to why she died, I think it was because she just didn’t fit into our world.
I went to a two-day seminar conducted by Jean Donaldson recently. She said that if you think about it, we humans ask dogs to fit into our world even though almost everything a dog does naturally is something humans in general don’t like: barking, urinating and defecating to mark, growling to show unhappiness, snapping, digging, jumping up, etc.
Perhaps it means the dogs are smarter since instead of trying to change human perception, we change the dog. We have thousands of dog trainers to help us “fix” the dog so that it fits in to our world.
Caesar Milan may say that a dog’s past is it’s past and you can’t dwell on it in order to “fix” whatever problems it has now. But, I want to dwell on Lexie’s past, although out of her five years of life, I only know about the last year.
I have sketchy details of the first four. I know she had a home as a puppy and that at some point she was taken to an animal shelter with the notation: not enough time. Being pit bull looking, she didn’t have much of a chance, but something seemed to be trying to save her or maybe it was all just blind chance. Anyway, she bounced from shelter to shelter, then rescue to rescue. She finally ended up in a long-term rescue facility, where she might have just been able to live out her life, except for a massive flood in June 2008 that caused the rescue to have to evacuate its dogs.
That’s where I enter the picture. I heard the plea to come help rescue the dogs so I spent a day ferrying dogs from the rescue facility to dry land. At the end of the day, Curt and I brought home Lexie to foster. It seemed like it would only be for a month, but it ended up being 8 months.
Lexie was extremely fearful by the time I got her. She cowered in her kennel when I came near it. She rolled over in submission. It took several months just to get her to what I would call a relaxed state where she didn’t react every time I made a sudden movement.
She did blossom over time. When we first got her, she wanted to play with a toy, but she really didn’t seem to know how. She would get it in her mouth and run a few steps, but if she saw me, she would spit the toy and cower down. Over time as I encouraged her every time she looked at the toy, she finally was able to hold it in her mouth and run with it in my presence, although I never got the point where I could touch the toy with it in her mouth. She would drop it the minute I touched it. But, at least I got to see her play and that dog LOVED to have a toy in her mouth and run. She was a speed demon.
Later I started taking her places. At first she was a mass of Jell-O and if too many people tried to pet her, she would growl.
I took her to obedience training and over a five-week course she transformed. She went from scared to being able to let anyone in the class handle her. At the end of the training session, the instructor was able to put on a bushy wig, big fake glasses and bend over her and thump her hard on the head without her reacting in any way except friendliness.
After that, her world transformed (at least to me). She loved going places. She loved people petting her. I took her to a few adoption events and she loved everyone.
I think I liked Lexie so much because she was the first dog that I actually trained to do something without tons of help. She was super smart and I practiced my clunky clicker training skills with her. She “got” the clicker much more than Batman ever has. She offered so many behaviors and I taught her to stand up on her hind legs (high five); shake, rollover, as well as sit and down.
Lexie was not without her issues. Her prey drive was massive. She sent both of my cats to the emergency vet at different times. I could not let her loose in the house unless I put the cats up and I always had to walk her through the house on a leash. Over time I got her to ignore the cats while she was on a leash, but I knew she could never, ever live in a home with cats. Or any other small fury creature that might look fun to squeak.
Up to this point finding Lexie a home consisted of her being on PetFinder, walking her on the Monon trail with an “adopt me” jacket and attending a few adoption events.
I needed more help, so I asked the Humane Society of Indianapolis if they could take her. They did and in going to visit Lexie, I ended up becoming a volunteer at the shelter and to day it is one of the most rewarding things I’ve ever done.
I was worried Lexie might not do well in a shelter, and I was totally prepared to take her back. But, after a few days she seemed to thrive. She loved all the people. She was there about a month and she was adopted by a single mom with two teenaged boys. Lexie adored the youngest boy. I watched them interact on several occasions. I had never seen Lexie respond to anyone that way she responded to that boy.
But, a month later I got an email from HSI saying Lexie had been returned. Her return notes said she barked at squirrels, small dogs and cats and it said, “she needs a home with a yard.” But, the family said she was a wonderful dog and they could not recommend her enough. Another month went by, and Lexie was adopted again. I really liked the adopter. I spoke to him several times and he seemed absolutely perfect for Lexie. Unfortunately, his landlord decided Lexie looked too much like a pit-bull and after one night, she was returned to the shelter.
Now we come to this week. Another man with teenaged boys came to visit Lexie. He put a hold on her, then came back the next day to adopt her. I was so excited. Surely this time would work.
But, the next day after he adopted her, she was dead. I wasn’t there, I didn’t see what happened and I am not going to write a lot about it because I think the circumstances would sound different depending on who was writing about it.
The man took Lexie to the vet. The vet had free-roaming cats. The man did tell the vet about Lexie’s cat aggression. I know that Lexie got two shots and an exam and the vet said she was fine with that. Then on the third shot something happened. Did Lexie see a cat? The vet says it is possible. Was she so stressed by a new home, a strange vet’s office and the smell of cats? I don’t know.
What I do know is that Lexie bit the vet tech who was holding her leash. It caused massive bruising. But, she did not break the skin. The vet tech dropped the leash. Lexie had a choice of several places to run, she ran straight at the cat. The cat lived, but barely, and will have to have a leg amputated.
Lexie did not survive. The vet said she was aggressive and told the owner the only thing to do was to put her down. The owner did not see what happened, he was in another room. But, I was told by the vet there was “blood everywhere.”
I tried to intervene, but I have to say I probably contributed more to the decision to put Lexie down simply because I started crying so hard and begging them to let me come and get her. The vet, I think, interpreted this that I would take her back to the shelter and let her be adopted out again. I just wanted to find out more about what happened and then if she needed to be euthanized I wanted it done at HSI and I wanted to be with her.
But, the man who was now Lexie’s owner told me he would call me back and he hung up. When he called back, it was to tell me he made the decision to have Lexie euthanized.
I did get her body back and am having her cremated. I figure I’m as close to a home as she ever had.
I could place blame, and in my heart I am angry, but it is more of an anger at society than at an individual. Should I have worked harder at trying to fix Lexie’s cat aggression? Should I have taken her to the vet more often? I only took her once and she was fearful, but my vet said she saw no actual aggression just a dog who didn’t like to go the vet and my vet said she had plenty of those in her practice. Lexie flung her head back at my vet, but the minute the shot was done she took a treat from the vet’s hand and rubbed up against her. I was in the room though and Lexie trusted me.
What are the chances that a person would adopt Lexie, take her to a vet with free roaming cats the day after adoption? What was Lexie “thinking?”
I have tortured myself for the last few days asking “what could I have done?” “How did I fail this dog?”
I have no answers. All I know is that I really did love that dog and she was awesome and I hope if dogs feel happiness that she was happy when she was with me and if there is some place beyond “here” after death, I hope she chooses to join my “pack” in the beyond.
I am sorry Lexie.
While there could be much debate as to why she died, I think it was because she just didn’t fit into our world.
I went to a two-day seminar conducted by Jean Donaldson recently. She said that if you think about it, we humans ask dogs to fit into our world even though almost everything a dog does naturally is something humans in general don’t like: barking, urinating and defecating to mark, growling to show unhappiness, snapping, digging, jumping up, etc.
Perhaps it means the dogs are smarter since instead of trying to change human perception, we change the dog. We have thousands of dog trainers to help us “fix” the dog so that it fits in to our world.
Caesar Milan may say that a dog’s past is it’s past and you can’t dwell on it in order to “fix” whatever problems it has now. But, I want to dwell on Lexie’s past, although out of her five years of life, I only know about the last year.
I have sketchy details of the first four. I know she had a home as a puppy and that at some point she was taken to an animal shelter with the notation: not enough time. Being pit bull looking, she didn’t have much of a chance, but something seemed to be trying to save her or maybe it was all just blind chance. Anyway, she bounced from shelter to shelter, then rescue to rescue. She finally ended up in a long-term rescue facility, where she might have just been able to live out her life, except for a massive flood in June 2008 that caused the rescue to have to evacuate its dogs.
That’s where I enter the picture. I heard the plea to come help rescue the dogs so I spent a day ferrying dogs from the rescue facility to dry land. At the end of the day, Curt and I brought home Lexie to foster. It seemed like it would only be for a month, but it ended up being 8 months.
Lexie was extremely fearful by the time I got her. She cowered in her kennel when I came near it. She rolled over in submission. It took several months just to get her to what I would call a relaxed state where she didn’t react every time I made a sudden movement.
She did blossom over time. When we first got her, she wanted to play with a toy, but she really didn’t seem to know how. She would get it in her mouth and run a few steps, but if she saw me, she would spit the toy and cower down. Over time as I encouraged her every time she looked at the toy, she finally was able to hold it in her mouth and run with it in my presence, although I never got the point where I could touch the toy with it in her mouth. She would drop it the minute I touched it. But, at least I got to see her play and that dog LOVED to have a toy in her mouth and run. She was a speed demon.
Later I started taking her places. At first she was a mass of Jell-O and if too many people tried to pet her, she would growl.
I took her to obedience training and over a five-week course she transformed. She went from scared to being able to let anyone in the class handle her. At the end of the training session, the instructor was able to put on a bushy wig, big fake glasses and bend over her and thump her hard on the head without her reacting in any way except friendliness.
After that, her world transformed (at least to me). She loved going places. She loved people petting her. I took her to a few adoption events and she loved everyone.
I think I liked Lexie so much because she was the first dog that I actually trained to do something without tons of help. She was super smart and I practiced my clunky clicker training skills with her. She “got” the clicker much more than Batman ever has. She offered so many behaviors and I taught her to stand up on her hind legs (high five); shake, rollover, as well as sit and down.
Lexie was not without her issues. Her prey drive was massive. She sent both of my cats to the emergency vet at different times. I could not let her loose in the house unless I put the cats up and I always had to walk her through the house on a leash. Over time I got her to ignore the cats while she was on a leash, but I knew she could never, ever live in a home with cats. Or any other small fury creature that might look fun to squeak.
Up to this point finding Lexie a home consisted of her being on PetFinder, walking her on the Monon trail with an “adopt me” jacket and attending a few adoption events.
I needed more help, so I asked the Humane Society of Indianapolis if they could take her. They did and in going to visit Lexie, I ended up becoming a volunteer at the shelter and to day it is one of the most rewarding things I’ve ever done.
I was worried Lexie might not do well in a shelter, and I was totally prepared to take her back. But, after a few days she seemed to thrive. She loved all the people. She was there about a month and she was adopted by a single mom with two teenaged boys. Lexie adored the youngest boy. I watched them interact on several occasions. I had never seen Lexie respond to anyone that way she responded to that boy.
But, a month later I got an email from HSI saying Lexie had been returned. Her return notes said she barked at squirrels, small dogs and cats and it said, “she needs a home with a yard.” But, the family said she was a wonderful dog and they could not recommend her enough. Another month went by, and Lexie was adopted again. I really liked the adopter. I spoke to him several times and he seemed absolutely perfect for Lexie. Unfortunately, his landlord decided Lexie looked too much like a pit-bull and after one night, she was returned to the shelter.
Now we come to this week. Another man with teenaged boys came to visit Lexie. He put a hold on her, then came back the next day to adopt her. I was so excited. Surely this time would work.
But, the next day after he adopted her, she was dead. I wasn’t there, I didn’t see what happened and I am not going to write a lot about it because I think the circumstances would sound different depending on who was writing about it.
The man took Lexie to the vet. The vet had free-roaming cats. The man did tell the vet about Lexie’s cat aggression. I know that Lexie got two shots and an exam and the vet said she was fine with that. Then on the third shot something happened. Did Lexie see a cat? The vet says it is possible. Was she so stressed by a new home, a strange vet’s office and the smell of cats? I don’t know.
What I do know is that Lexie bit the vet tech who was holding her leash. It caused massive bruising. But, she did not break the skin. The vet tech dropped the leash. Lexie had a choice of several places to run, she ran straight at the cat. The cat lived, but barely, and will have to have a leg amputated.
Lexie did not survive. The vet said she was aggressive and told the owner the only thing to do was to put her down. The owner did not see what happened, he was in another room. But, I was told by the vet there was “blood everywhere.”
I tried to intervene, but I have to say I probably contributed more to the decision to put Lexie down simply because I started crying so hard and begging them to let me come and get her. The vet, I think, interpreted this that I would take her back to the shelter and let her be adopted out again. I just wanted to find out more about what happened and then if she needed to be euthanized I wanted it done at HSI and I wanted to be with her.
But, the man who was now Lexie’s owner told me he would call me back and he hung up. When he called back, it was to tell me he made the decision to have Lexie euthanized.
I did get her body back and am having her cremated. I figure I’m as close to a home as she ever had.
I could place blame, and in my heart I am angry, but it is more of an anger at society than at an individual. Should I have worked harder at trying to fix Lexie’s cat aggression? Should I have taken her to the vet more often? I only took her once and she was fearful, but my vet said she saw no actual aggression just a dog who didn’t like to go the vet and my vet said she had plenty of those in her practice. Lexie flung her head back at my vet, but the minute the shot was done she took a treat from the vet’s hand and rubbed up against her. I was in the room though and Lexie trusted me.
What are the chances that a person would adopt Lexie, take her to a vet with free roaming cats the day after adoption? What was Lexie “thinking?”
I have tortured myself for the last few days asking “what could I have done?” “How did I fail this dog?”
I have no answers. All I know is that I really did love that dog and she was awesome and I hope if dogs feel happiness that she was happy when she was with me and if there is some place beyond “here” after death, I hope she chooses to join my “pack” in the beyond.
I am sorry Lexie.
Comment
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Comment by Stacy Hill on June 29, 2009 at 11:31am - Connie, you didn't fail Lexie. You were the best thing that ever happened to her! She would've never known love and happiness without you. I remember meeting Lexie at the event in Lebanon. She was an awesome dog! You've read my posts on IndyPaws, so you know how I feel. I don't have to witness an incident to know you don't kill a dog for being a dog.
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Comment by Ann on June 22, 2009 at 9:52am
- Hi Connie, I too find it very bad practice to have free roaming cats at the Vet's office - a recipe for disaster for sure. I don't know why we do it but we humans always, always seem to second guess ourselves and beat ourselves up when things go wrong for the animals - no matter how hard we've tried. There's always something we coulda, woulda, shoulda done differently. There's a saying that says "Life must be lived going forward but can only be understood looking backward". That's where you are right now - looking backward at the what if's. We do the best we can. That's all we can do. Just know that you gave the best you had to give to Lexie and she knew that. Lexie knew love in her life thanks to you. You made her life so much better and she knew she was loved. There used to be a plaque up at the Humane Society, I don't know if it's still there or not but it read - "Life outside a person is an extension of the life within him. This compels him to be part of it and accept responsibility for all creatures great and small. Life becomes harder when we live for others, but it also becomes richer and happier". - Albert Schweitzer. Bless you, Connie, for all the good you do.
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Comment by Marci Haw on June 20, 2009 at 3:24pm - I am very sorry that this happened. You did NOT fail Lexie by any means. Ignorance and misconceptions within our society about dogs in general failed Lexie. She had a lot of things stacked against her at that moment. I really don't know what else to say other than to express my sympathy, and let you know that I am available if you need an ear, shoulder, or anything else.
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Comment by Julie on June 20, 2009 at 10:04am
- I am SO sorry Connie. Society definitely failed this girl. NOT you. I don't know what actually happened either, but free-roaming cats in a room with a dog? Sorry, what vet lets that happen? I don't even know what more to say...
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